The Late 20-Something Drudge... And Getting Through It

Life is full of challenges.  We struggle to get what we have, and then we continue to struggle to keep it.  Most people I know are going through rough patches in their lives right now... Maybe it's because we are all in out late 20's and are "suppose" to have our lives sorted out by now, when in fact we are far from it.

Some of my friends are really making it -- career wise, but struggling in their relationships.  Vice versa for others.  Then it appears a good chunk are struggling all around.  You could say I fall into this category.  By one's late 20's, one would like to have at least a sound romantic relationship, as well as be moving forward in their career of choice.  Before the life-changing event of child-raising, the late 20's are a time to get settled in one's self, enjoy life, but also embrace a certain amount of responsibility and adulthood.  Challenges then set in from every angle.  Let's explore.

1) Love - most women in their late 20's that I know are searching for their life partner.  They are ready and open to have a love in their lives.  (Keep in mind this is from my own pool of friends - and while it is a broad spectrum, I realize my statements are not a patchwork quilt made large enough to cover all late 20-somethings across the globe).

Women are ready to find their match and men are more and more inclined to want to wait.  Hence, finding a great man who is ready to be with a great woman is proving to be more challenging than perhaps ever before.

2) Career - The idea after college is to then dive into the work-force, hopefully in your field of choice.  Some choose to dilly dally for some years, perhaps at the local coffee shop, mall or restaurant, while gleefully avoiding reality.  Or perhaps they decide their career of choice is in fact, not.  Another bout of college or perhaps said dilly dallying then ensues.  However, by one's late 20's, this period should be nearing it's end, if not gone all together.  Everyone finally is immersed in their career field or else they aren't.  This group can't help but feel lost.  Why aren't things working as originally planned?  I, for one, never thought I'd be the one still struggling out of all my friends.

What is that saying?  "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"?  Sometimes my wrist gets tired from squeezing all those lemons...  Just give me the damn lemonade!!!

But really, what can we do?  Either keep trudging forward, or re-evaluate one's choices in life.  Is it time to make a new life plan already?

3) Finances - Closely tied in with career, finances become more and more important at this time.  The last kids supported by their parents are nearly finished being weaned off.  Things like clothes, apartment, eating out and vacations are more important.  I sometimes (or more) feel like I'm trying to keep up with the Jones'.  A friend cried to me the other day that our other high-earning friend made her feel bad about her own finances.  Once I found out how much my sad friend was making, I felt infinitely closer to sinking into a depression than I had just seconds prior.  But looking around, I realize there are other friends of mine struggling more.  How do they do it?!

So...

The hope I gain from this is knowing that all late 20-somethings don't have it all, and don't know it all.  Some do, and God bless them.  But for the rest of us, it's time to re-evaluate where we are, notice that we are not alone, and do what we can to more forward.

How do we do this?

1) Make a plan - Write out goals for yourself.  Start out big and work them down to small, manageable, trackable steps.  Hold yourself to your plan, and if you fall off track, just get right back on.  After a few months or maybe a year of following this game-plan, stop and re-evaluate where you are.  Are you closer to your goals or still just as far away as ever?  Then adjust accordingly.

Maybe things aren't turning out the way you'd planned, but do what you can to see the "glass half full".  Perhaps something infinitely better is waiting for you around the bend.  Use this time productively.  Explore options.  Make sure what you want is really what you want.  A lot of the times we make decisions based on other people.  Is what you want for yourself, in actuality, what your parents want?  Have you worked for something for so long that quitting now makes you feel like a failure?  You're not.  Everything you've done so far is a part of you.  You've grown and learned.  If it's time for you to move on, do you're best to accept it, and use you're past to assist you rather than hold you back.  Or else use this as an opportunity to re-commit with renewed strength (versus desperation).

2) Forget about the guy - Society today is making me feel "old".  But hello - people are getting married later in life, and just because Hollywood has a hard time with "older", mid-30's types (ok... trying not to notice how that affects me... as an actress..  in Hollywood), it doesn't mean that that's real.  Everything I've read, and seen, shows that when you are searching for a man, you do not find him.  Also, the more confident, comfortable, happy and fulfilled you are in your own life, the more likely it is you will not only attract a man, but the kind of man that you really want.

Men are attracted to women who have things going on, who are busy and happy; not to the desperation that leaks out of women who feel like they need to find a man NOW.  Besides, if you are still deep in trying to figure yourself out, how could a man come into your life who is just what you are looking for?  Unless you are extremely fortunate, this is rare.  When you are actively pursuing what you want, a man that is in sync with you, or "equally yolked" as they say, is much more likely to come a knocking.

3) Listen to your path - Follow your plan, but remember to listen to your gut.  If you're gut is screaming "NO!", there is probably something to that.  There is a difference between pushing yourself and broadening your horizons in a slightly frightening way, and feeling like you're going to throw up when doing something.  Pay attention to how you feel about what you are doing.  Being aware is key to success and happiness in life.

4) Get God - If you are a believer, which I hope you are, ask God for guidance and don't stop.  Invite him to walk your path with you.  You are not intended to walk alone and He's here, waiting for you.  If you are a believer in the broader sense - same thing.  "The universe is you're oyster."  That's what they say, right?  Harness that energy and allow it to assist you!  If you are a non-believer, then all you've got is your gut.  Don't deny that too.  Explore being open to more than what you are.

5) You're not alone - Stop comparing yourself to those around you.  You can learn a lot from your peers, but know that you are on your own path, and things will come to you in their own time.  You can be inspired by your peers, but refuse to be trapped or trodden on by them.  You deserve more.  Rejoice in you're friend's successes, and then use that joy to continue pursuing your own success.

Remember, plenty of late 20-somethings are struggling.  Even those who seem to "have it all" often times have other issues which we couldn't even fathom.  Hell, some of them most likely envy you for still having the ability to change you're course, or be your own person!

The whole idea of this message is to say:

If you aren't happy with where you are in you're life - Do something about it!  Sure, we all have down days (or weeks...) but remember all the blessings and great things and people you have in your life.  Know that if something you wanted desperately didn't turn out for you, there's probably a reason why.  Life is short.  Don't spend you're time here dwelling on the past, or mistakes made.  Look to the future, and live in the now.  Take a breath.  Look around.  See the beauty of where you are.  Appreciate what you have.  Now get to work.  We are constantly changing and evolving.  Who knows what the future has in store!